Do you know how absolutely infuriating it is for people assume you've read a book before?
Now, to be fair, I only finished books 6 and 7 of Harry Potter because the last half of the last movie was finally in theatres. I can think of at least one friend coughAlexcough*, Warren**, who didn't realize I didn't know that Snape killed Dumbledore***. But to also be fair, that shit was spoiled for me at 8:05 the day that book 6 was released because some jackhole who'd hit the midnight release had sped-read the book and decided to talk to his friend across 3 checkstands in my place of business as I was about to purchase the damnable book, so I decided to shelve it for a few years in hopes I'd forget.
I didn't forget.
I'll never forget.
Remember remember the...Where was I? Oh. Yes.
Yeah, reading the Hobbit has kind of been exactly like that for me.
Again, I would like to present exhibit A: I was a fourth grade grammar nazi.
I would also like to present exhibit B: my coworkers suck.
Not all of them though, I mean, at least a small percentage, more like a decimal point really, understand that "I have a book and I'm looking at it" means "shut the fuck up and get out, you don't exist in my world right now". The rest of them though...
See, I've been trying to read this book on my breaks at work. Enter 9 out of every 10 coworkers trying to talk to me about their favorite scenes and how of course I'm the kind of nerd who'd be rereading it for the movie and golly it sure is taking me forever to read it I'm only like 1 page past where I was 2 days ago and what do I mean I haven't read it yet my childhood obviously sucked because I couldn't get through Tolkien's run-on sentences my parents must have been abusive religious nutjobs and what kind of glorified self-indulgent fake nerd am I proporting to be anywayOH MY GOD SHUT UP AND LET ME READ.
So yeah. Took me a while to get through chapters 2 and 3.
At which point, precisely, the library reclaimed it from me and now I'm freaking Gollum without the Precious and I wants to eats everyone's face.
*You still owe me that apology taco, Alex.
**We're square though Warren, you tried to pour enough alcohol into me that I almost forgot you'd even said it.
***If you didn't know that Snape lays the hurt on old man white beard, man up. The book's been out for almost 7 years and the movie's been out for, what, at least 5?, and anyways even I know this so shut up about spoilers because I'm like, the last person on the wagon of "hey, I've read that book!" for practically every book except John Dies at the End and This Book is Full of Spiders (which I'm currently reading now that the precious has been stolen away by those filthy, filthy librarians) so you're either illiterate--in which case, how do you even know what I've typed up there?--or you're the hobo king of the trolls so go find yourself a cave and bury yourself in it before the sun comes up.
